Feeling reflective.

I started writing this earlier:

'That's reflective as in looking back on life rather than feeling like a mirror, although I suppose I am a mirror reflecting my thoughts out into the world.

Still, enough of that, I'll get to the point. As I wend my way towards the end of my 65th year I've been considering some what might-have-beens and realise that I have no regrets about pretty much everything I've said, done and experienced in relation to myself. The only things'

I then stopped because I thought no-one would be interested. Instead I posted on Facebook saying that I wasn't going to inflict my thoughts upon the wider world. A comment from an old friend, one of those people one never sees from one year's end to the next, in fact in our case, one decade's end to the next but are nevertheless much valued, saying that I might be surprised how interested people may be in my thoughts. With that in mind, let the reflections restart:

The main thing that comes to mind looking back is the number of times I've said to myself I wish I'd done X instead of Y. For instance when everything was fubar during my time in Southend I'd wish that I'd stayed with the MOD and not moved away. Had I done that I would have missed out on making some of my best and most cherished long term friendships and not had the learning experiences that the fubariness afforded me.

I learned, eventually, that wishing I'd made a different decision didn't necessarily increase the likelihood of life being any better. I could just as well have stayed in the MOD and been run over by a tank whilst walking around the army base, thereby ending any chance of happiness under the tracks of a Challenger.

I am where I am and know the people I know because of the decisions, big and small that I've made on a daily basis and I'm glad to have known everyone and am quite content with where I am. I value having met and interacted with not just those I've gotten along with but also those people who have treated me badly and that I've treated badly in turn.

I've realised that kindness far outweighs anger, speaking calmly and gently to someone brings far better outcomes than ranting—and I've done more than my fair share of that in years gone by. So in the time left to me I hope to be able to be a good, kind man and leave people happier than when I encountered them, not always something I've managed in the past.

Love and peace— and send chocolate xx